Verywellmind 文章杂录

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得知这个网站起源于我想了解 “他者化 (othering)” 这个概念. 这本身是一个哲学概念, 所以大多文章多少会涉及一些术语或者人名. 但哲学我又完全不懂, 因此想找简单的文章读, 于是就找到了 verywellmind. 其上的文章不涉及任何专业术语, 非常易读, 并且有专业人士 review 确保质量. 另外还发现很多心理学相关的公众号都会编译这个网站上的内容.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles.

如何与内向者约会?

Overall, introversion is a personality trait where the person focuses more on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation.

Typically, people who are introverted have a small group of close friends, enjoy solitude, and find large groups or parties draining at times. They also are very self-aware, enjoy observing people and situations, and are drawn to careers that foster independence.

It’s also important to note that introversion is not the same thing as being antisocial, having social anxiety, or being shy.

社恐 (social anxiety, previously referred to as social phobia) 是正儿八经的心理疾病, 会严重影响生活, 而非人们平常随口自称的那种.

Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation (and is a milder form of social anxiety), whereas introversion refers to a tendency toward becoming over-stimulated and the need to be alone to gain energy. The opposite of shyness is being outgoing. The outgoing person is not afraid of others and has a tendency to approach.

内向的关键特征

  • Tend to be very observant and process things at a deep level
  • Embrace solitude and crave time alone
  • Prefer processing their thoughts internally rather than by talking them out
  • Choose to share personal information with only a select few
  • Prefer writing, texting, and other forms of written communication over talking
  • Display less demonstrative emotions than their extraverted counterparts
  • Recharge their batteries by retreating and spending time alone
  • Become exhausted and over-stimulated by large groups of people
  • Feel most alive and invigorated in quiet environments
  • Have a small circle of close friends rather than a large circle of friends
  • Are great listeners and get to know people on a deep level
  • Take extra time to understand ideas before moving on to new ones
  • Desire meaningful interactions rather than small talk

我认为正是对深入理解的偏好造成了对文字的偏好.

约会建议

  • 习惯沉默
  • 接受他们, 而非试图改变他们. Too many times, people try to change the person they are dating instead of accepting them for who they are. If you’re dating an introvert, try not to judge who they are or pressure them into being someone they are not. Instead, appreciate what your partner has to offer.
  • 制造安全感和信任. Your introverted partner is more likely to open up and share their innermost thoughts when they not only feel that they will be listened to but also that you are a safe person to share personal details with.
  • 建立有意义的联系, 而不是模仿陈腔滥调. Instead of focusing on doing all the right things in a relationship like calling at the right time, texting consistently, and saying the right things, focus on making a meaningful connection with your partner. In fact, most introverts desire thoughtful, interesting conversations about something of interest to them.
    • If you’re not sure what their interests are, ask them. Or if you would prefer, share your passions or your goals. Introverts want a mind-to-mind connection where you share your inner world with them including what makes you tick. You also could try asking your partner questions. Many introverts will share their thoughts and feelings in response to questions rather than volunteering information. So, be patient and ask your partner. Just be sure to actually listen to what they have to say and avoid pressuring them if they are uncomfortable answering or feel like they don’t have an answer yet. By being genuinely interested in their thoughts and providing them space to share, you’re more like to get deeper more meaningful responses.

什么是他者化?

以这篇文章的内容来说, 他者化并没有涉及新的内容, 但其体现的原则依然值得复习. 仅仅是知道一个概念, 就能让我们有意识地避免它.

Othering is a phenomenon in which some individuals or groups are defined and labeled as not fitting in within the norms of a social group. It is an effect that influences how people perceive and treat those who are viewed as being part of the in-group versus those who are seen as being part of the out-group.

Othering also involves attributing negative characteristics to people or groups that differentiate them from the perceived normative social group.

It is an “us vs. them” way of thinking about human connections and relationships. This process essentially involves looking at others and saying “they are not like me” or “they are not one of us.”

Signs

傲慢, 偏见, 歧视, 敌意, 标签化

  • Attributing positive qualities to people who are like you and negative qualities to people who are different from you
  • Believing that people who are different from you or your social group pose a threat to you or your way of life
  • Feeling distrustful or upset with people of a social group even though you don’t know anyone from that group
  • Refusing to interact with people because they are different from you or your social group
  • Thinking that people outside your social group are not as intelligent, skilled, or as special as you and your group
  • Thinking of people only in terms of their relationship with specific social groups without giving any thought to them as individuals

第二条也可以看成缺乏 cooperative mindset, 对别人充满敌意?

他者化可以基于任何属性, 包括年龄, 肤色, 性别, 性取向, 职业等.

Causes

Othering can also arise as a way to justify the past mistreatment of others. For example, if you’ve treated someone else badly, you might experience feelings of shame or guilt about your behavior.

In order to reconcile your belief that you are a good person despite your negative actions toward another person, you might engage in othering as a way to dehumanize the individual. It’s a way of distancing yourself from them and reducing your empathy for them. As a result, you’re less likely to feel bad about your own behavior.

Othering can be a way of thinking some people “deserve what they got,” at least in your own mind. This helps people cope with feelings of cognitive dissonance, or the discomfort they may feel when they hold two conflicting beliefs or when their beliefs do not align with their behaviors.

Related: How to Resolve Cognitive Dissonance 也挺有趣的

How to Minimize Othering

算是基本的做人原则

  • 把人当人, 将每个人作为一个独特的个体看待.
  • 接触不同的人, 了解他们.
  • Speak up. One way to combat biased behavior is to speak up whenever you see it happening. People are less likely to engage in othering when it is socially unacceptable. By not speaking out against actions that cast people as outsiders, it becomes more acceptable to engage in those same types of behaviors.